I just received a thank you card from a student with this quote, “There is no use trying,” said Alice; “one can’t believe impossible things.” “I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”  (written by Lewis Carroll in “Alice in Wonderland)

This student has had an adventurous background including having been a “bush pilot” in Alaska.Living a life of seemingly   impossible challenges, she is performing at a high level and making serious contributions to others.

I have never flown a plane, but I  have flown ideas that make others shrink, yell and wonder what planet I live on.

The minute we imprison our minds to deal only with “the perceived” possible, we stunt our growth. Soaring to the unknown is what minds need to do. Without that soaring we stunt our growth and perhaps the growth of all mankind.

The Queen in Alice in Wonderland has something in common with me. Despite what others think, sometimes, for at least 15 minutes, I become the Queen of Ideas, the Queen of Bargains, and…dare I say, Queen of the Impossible.  I challenge you to join this royal realm for at least 15 minutes a day. We will all benefit and you will enjoy the ride!

If you often take offense at what others say and do or don’t say or do, get help and read: www.marianneclyde.com

Besides being a caring person, a trained therapist and counselor, Marianne has inner wisdom and insight that heals. Her sense of humor also adds value.

Check out her website and visit frequently. “There’s healing in her words for you..”

We often look at other people and judge them as to whether they “take” time and attention from others or “give” time and attention to others. Okay. But what about us?

When you walk into a room (a class, a church, a social gathering, Facebook), are you thinking, “Who will notice me? Who will be my friend? Who will give me some attention?” Or do you enter a room filled with people and thin, “Who can I encourage? Who needs a smile, some attention, a hug?”

I figure that I can be a taker or a giver. So can you.

How do I decide which one is best? Easy. How does it make me feel when someone else is always asking for something, wants me to meet their needs that are like a bottomless pit?

Honestly, I try to avoid those people, sometimes. It’s like, no matter what I give them, it will never be enough. It’s like mosquitoes who attack  just because they want your blood. They leave us with a terrible itch and rash and they go away full and happy.

So, this holiday season, I am examining when I give and when I take. I want to be a giver, not a taker.

Imagine how God must feel, with all of humanity wanting something. The few rare souls who just live in order to be His hands and feet and heart, must be so refreshing to Him. No taking, just giving and BEING.

Now there’s a New Year’s Resolution for us all.

I have been thinking about disappointed expectations in business relationships and have fabricated a conversation someone might have with a vendor who’s work was “underwhelming” or erratic.

If you were to sit down with the vendor and have a ”reasoned conversation” reflecting back your expectations and what you have received to date, it might go something like this. this works for phone conversations, as well.

For example, “Joe, thanks for all the work you have done on the website. In your opinion what work is left to finish. (Pause for answer.)

“So what I hear you saying is that you need to finish a, b, c, and d, etc.” (Wait for a response.)

“By what date do you think you can reasonably finish the work?” (Pause for answer.)

“So is it reasonable for me to expect the finished product by _______?” (Wait for an answer.)

“Is there anything you need from us to support you as you work to finish the task by the deadline?  We want to help you as much as you need.”

“So you need x, y, z from us and we commit to providing that to you by ______.  Is there anything else you need?”

“Can we expect you to check in with us once a week, say Mondays at 10 AM, to get updates on your progress?”

“Thanks, etc. We are so glad you are a part of the team.” etc.

When you wait for a response, relax and really wait. Don’t sound rushed.

In the meantime, it might be good to have a back up plan to get the work done some other way.

When working with vendors to whom you have outsourced a projects, clarify and communicate, over and over again. When the results disappoint, be willing to shift gears. When the results meet expectations, don’t forget to give positive feedback.

You’ve heard of “Death by Acronyms”. This is “Life by Acronyms.”

I’ve outlined a course in stress management and the acronyms are your roadmap to increased health.

Stress

S is for stormy, stubborn,  and stumbling.

T is for taxed, trembling, teary, tormented, tempestuous, tested, and  troubled.

R is for rushed, rude, rough, revengeful, rebellious, and racing.

E is for enraged, empty, edgy, envying, exasperated, and exploited.

S is for suffering and sick.

S is for scattered, struggling, and shallow.

Frown is the next signpost of trouble.

F is for fury.

R is for revenge.

O is for offend.

W is for worry.

N is for neglect.

Fine is another sign of stress.

F is for frustrated.

I is for irrational

N is for neurotic.

E is for emotionally unstable.

Another sign is worry.

W is for wrinkled

O is for overbearing

R is for “right”.

R is for roaring.

Y is for yoked.

Feeling like a failure is another sign of stress.

F is for fear.

A is for anxiety.

I is for illness.

L is for loneliness.

U is for unloved.

R is for rejected.

E is for empty.

All these signs should be an S.O.S., a cry for help. You must recognize the signs and ask for help.

S is for Spent.

O is for overwhelmed.

S is for sick.

Change that acronym to another SOS and you will be on your way to health.

S is for simplify.

O is for opportunity and order.

S is the chance to start over.  It’s never too late.

Halt is what AlAnon uses to remind people to stop when they are hungry, angry, lonely and/or tired. Stop and reboot. Find out what the source of the problem is before moving forward.

Now is where you want to live, in the here and now.

N is to recognize the need and take note.

O is to begin to create some order for yourself.

W is a reminder that, with wonder, you can be on a new road to health.

Plan is your next step.

Prepare and prioritize

Learn and listen

Analyze and Awaken

Now

Renew yourself.

R is for read.

E is for examine and eat.

N is for name it, name what ails you and begin to look for solutions.

E is for expectation and exercise.

W is for work.

Work is also for other activities.

W is for willingness.

O is for order and orderliness.

R is for ready.

K is for kindness and knowledge.

We have to reinvent ourselves, the present and the future as we go along.

If you would like to know more about these concepts, a stress management workshop can be scheduled at your workplace. Contact Strategies for Living Unlimited to find out more.

On a bike ride today, I was sorry I didn’t pack a trash bag or two in my backpack. What would I have done with it? I would have parked it periodically and enjoyed bending exercises as I picked up litter by the side of the path.

Who else will do it?

Sometimes prisoners from the local lockup are tasked with cleaning up after lazy, thoughtless people who have their freedom. I wonder what the prisoners are thinking when they work in their bright orange jumpsuits, heavily guarded by armed security officers.

Are they thinking, “If I were free, I would never throw trash by the side of the road?” Or is it more like, “I’m so glad other people create trash so we have a chance to do some work outside and get a glimpse of the world again?”

What would our streets look like if everyone had a trash bag in some pocket, ready to clean up messes as we find them or make them? If there were no trash, what would trash cleanup workers do with their time?

As for me, I will pack a trash bag and do my part. I’ll lose weight, tone up, and clean up my neighborhood, just with a quick bend.

I don’t even care if no one sees me do it. I will feel good!

When one person is speaking to one or more people, I call that a “presentation.” When presenting anything to others, you will communicate more effectively if you follow these tips.

I have said that I can’t teach people to have passion or presence but I can teach people to use themselves and language to overcome the lack of those exceptional gifts.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. It is essential to have single-minded focus.  When you are speaking to someone else, you must be IN the present. Don’t let your mind or eyes wander. The person or persons you are with must be the most important in the universe to you at that moment.
2. Don’t “playwright” or think ahead to what you think the other person will say or what you will reply. Receive their words as though it is impossible for you to imagine what they will say, how they will color their words and how the whole encounter will affect you.
3. When the other person is emotional or passionate, paraphrase frequently to make sure you get what they are about.
4. Ask open questions.  Consult: www.criticalthinking.org for some resources that will give you essential tools and lists of excellent questions to ask.
5. Learn and practice using language with the skill of a surgeon.
6. Listen as though every word were the oxygen you needed to breathe.

Following these suggestions will help you achieve exceptional results in communicating with others.

Yes, it requires concentration, self-control, and practice. The results will reward you  with more passion and presence than you usually have.

I can’t teach someone to have presence or passion when they are speaking to a group. But I can teach someone to use words,  sentence structure, quotes, quotable and memorable phrases, vocal tone, and eye to make up for the lack of a dynamic persona.

It is important to “want” to make a difference when presenting a message to others. If you can add value, then your message is worth sharing.

Inspired by the blog of a friend (www.steadymom.com) I would like to recommend the blogger’s ideas for spending money wisely. Jamie Martin suggests investing in health, investing in your library and investing in experiences, not stuff. It is the 3rd suggestion that got my attention particularly.

Experiences enrich the soul, the memory, the mind, the body and continue to inspire one long after the experience is over. Stuff enriches closets, drawers, attics, boxes and other storage areas. Stuff gets old, moldy, dusty and out dated.

Investing in experiences may cost more time than money. Perhaps experiences will cost time and money in equal shares. The money may even cost more than the time spent. Nonetheless, investing in experiences will yield dividends for a lifetime.

Reflecting on the history of unions provides an opportunity to consider whether or not unions still protect workers who could be abused, underpaid and taken advantage of in other ways.

It is commonplace to talk about the end of sweatshops in the US and how the ALGWU now protects American workers in the garment industry.

But think for a moment about the clothing we buy that is made in Vietnam, China, India, Indonesia and other countries where labor is cheap and plentiful. Unfortunately, we are still buying and wearing clothing made in sweatshops, albeit sweatshops overseas.

In addition, when runway designs are copied and knock offs appear in stores from Macy’s to Wal-Mart, we are violating the intellectual property of others, stealing their creativity to feed our vanities and save money.

What’s the remedy? Bring back sewing.

Don’t laugh. The decline of individuals sewing and making clothing, is so commonplace that no one feels inadequate if they can’t sew on a button, repair a ripped seam or hem a cuff. There are tailor shops to help out and if the problem seems too big to deal with, we just throw the offending garment away.

Troubled economies make us think about saving money. Instead of moaning about what we don’t have, let’s get excited about the opportunity to learn new skills.

I have watched all the episodes of “The House of Eliott”, the BBC TV series about two upperclass women who were forced to earn their livings when their father died leaving them almost penniless. Necessity inspired them to develop their interest and talents in fashion and open a couture business in London.

Watching their successes and failures and the incredible clothing they wear in each episode reinforces the notion that sewing one’s clothing is not for poor people, but for all people, an opportunity to enjoy creativity, use one’s hands and wear unique clothing without harming anyone else.

When imperious, selfish, greedy manufacturers in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s exploited their workers for profit, public outrage was the catalyst to form labor unions to protect the “help.”

The “help” is still helpless overseas, far away from our daily lives so that we don’t notice and blithely ignore the injustices they are subject to.

Bring back sewing, knitting, crocheting, all handicrafts so that we can appreciate the talent these crafts require, make what we can’t afford and stop exploitation abroad.

Did Jesus charge for the stories He told, the wisdom he imparted or the miracles He performed?

Did native American Indians charge for the oral tradition of their culture as they passed it on from generation to generation?

Do parents charge their children for the advice they give?

Since the collective answer is “No”, I have decided to give away my books to anyone who cares to read them online or download to ponder.

This is my succession planning, my attempt to clone myself.

I consider it my job to give away the best that I have if it will help others.

So help yourselves and go to the Resource category. Download the books I have linked for you. Enjoy. And if you are any the better for anything I have written, please leave feedback. It will not only encourage others, but it will encourage me.

Contrary to a recent article in USA Today (Wednesday, September 9, 2009, p. 2 B).  John Ryding, chief economist of RDQ Economics, said about this, “This does not bode well for the significant, sustained rebound in real consumer spending.”

If our economy can only sustain itself with out of control spending and liberal use of credit, America, get ready for a bigger course correction than the one we are recovering from now.

If healthy people were to copy the diets recommended for patients being treated for cancer, they would become even healthier. Eating a mostly alkaline diet, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and little animal protein starves cancer cells and improves overall health and energy. If you add to that, little or no sugar, white flour, dairy, alcohol and nicotine, you are adding years to your life.

So, when debt drowning people go to debt counselors for help and are told to pay cash for little and big purchases, incur no new debt, pay down debt to zero, and live within their means, they are more able to create financial health for themselves. Why won’t people who are not yet on debt life support do the same thing?

Living within one’s means is a reality check to curb and reverse self-indulgence gone wild. Learning to live without the sport of shopping, which may be the most popular sport in America, is a challenge for many. Yet breaking the bondage of “buying for the thrill of it” is a deliverance that many people require to be able to afford to live their lives.

Cutting credit is a good thing. Learning how to live within one’s means, spending less than you make, is a course we may all need to take and excel in.

Reinventing the way we handle money, buy and save, plan for the future and the future of the next generation is required. Cutting credit is a good thing.

Dr. Oz, Oprah’s medical expert, now has his own show on NBC broadcasting from Rockefeller Center in NYC. He is quoted saying, “If all I offer you is healthy food, you’re either going to eat that stuff or you’re not going to eat. And most people will eat. After a while, it becomes what you’re used to eating. It’s a little bit every day that makes a difference.”

Well, some 32 years ago, that’s what I did raising my children. No, I’m not a prophet and I am not a physician, but I do know, “If 50,000 people do a stupid thing, it is still a stupid thing.”

Raise your hand if you think what you eat affect your health: blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, allergies, asthma, obesity, and the list goes on.  If you raised your hand, you are right.

That’s the biggest key to health care, eat right.

Ok, you and I know that there is chaos in the nutrition industry. Agriculture has molded American eating habits, and, alas, a lot of the rest of the world.

Yet a few insights are being shared:

• carbs can make you fat
• carbs are necessary for good health
• acid foods cause cancer cells to grow
• alkaline foods help guard against cancer
• vitamins and minerals and antioxidants are necessary for good health
• eat your fruits and juice your vegetables
• extra virgin olive oil is good for you
• too many calories make you fat
• sodas deplete your body’s calcium

My list goes on but if you just experimented with your own eating program for one month and conformed to the above guidelines, you would feel better and be measurably healthy.

If it’s 10 o’clock at night and you get the urge to eat, and there are no ice cream or chips or popcorn or cake or cookies in the house, would you eat the veggies and salsa that was there or would you jump in the car and load up on snacks first?

I’m betting the farm you will eat what’s there.

So plan to have only the good stuff “there”.  That’s the first concrete step to universal health care that the US should corporately agree on.

If no one buys the junk, you can be sure the manufacturers won’t make it. If less people are sick, physicians will have the time to reach out in preventive education and proactive care. If the drug companies don’t sell their drugs, they can begin to develop nutrition programs to improve the health of all.

That’s health care that would leave the physicians freer to help the desperately ill, not just those of us who make ourselves sick because we don’t eat right.

If I sound harsh, it’s because if everyone took one step in this direction, to eat better, our health care system would not be clogged like the arteries we work so hard to jam with junk now.

If I am not harsh, no one will pay attention.

In my opinion, taking responsibility to eat better will save us billions and billions of dollars and make us healthier without drugs. That’s what I’m talking about!

It is not “business as usual.” There is nothing usual about the world economy, the US economy and our bank accounts. Waiting for things to become “normal” once again, is foolish. It’s what many Europeans did before and during World War II, waiting for the Nazis to come to their senses. They never did.

What unusual things should we be doing to live in the real world where the rules are not published and where the experts have been wrong and may be wrong again?

First, we need to examine all expenditures and make sure that we plan not only for today and tomorrow but for an eternity of lifetimes. What does that mean? It means that my spending has an affect on my children and grandchildren, my neighborhood, my community and perhaps the world.

Never underestimate the power of one. Watch “Paperclips” and “All My Loved Ones” on Netflix instant watch to understand the magnitude of what I am saying. One school reversed perhaps 200 years of prejudice and discrimination with a paperclip. One man saved almost 700 children from certain death in a concentration camp in Europe.

So today, I removed a $5 per month charge on my cellphone bill for internet usage that I never use. I emailed friend who routinely and perhaps mindlessly “text” me when a quick call would convey the information. The call is covered in my plan and the text message is extra.

At home, we are keeping energy costs down by not having the TV or music on unless we are really watching or listening. We are making meals at home that are healthy and inexpensive and delicious. We are exercising: bicycling in the neighborhood, walking along the beach, and swimming, all of which are free where we live. We are accessing news on the internet, along with unlimited sudokus and crossword puzzles, for fun. We are indulging in a Scrabble tournament which we find stimulating and a nice way to pass the evenings instead of being in restaurants, movies or spending money some other way.

Of course, there is the mortgage. For almost 20 years, I have been imploring others to pay off their mortgages. If there were no mortgages, would there be a housing crisis? No.

If you calculate the total sum you will have paid for your home over the lifetime of a mortgage, you will quickly see that your “home sweet home” may have cost you over $1 million, easily. If I have paid $1 million for my home, it better look like it!

I will be posting other cost saving measures in this blog from time to time and I hope you share your ideas here as well.

The money supply of the nation is not unlimited.  It’s not our money to waste. It  belongs to our collective future.

Commenting on post by Marianne:

Yes. I would describe this as not mucking around with the problem solving process at all. For a solution to be truly creative, it has to go beyond the “known.”

This requires a great deal of self-control and patience.

So I ask myself, how much of that do I have today? Hmmm.