Living in Expectation

June 20th, 2009

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal by Robert Lee Hotz, “A Wandering Mind Heads Straight  Toward Insight”, talks about the difference between the way people who solve problems.  It caught my attention.

He says, “People who solve problems through insight generate different patterns of brain waves than those who solve problems analytically.”

This is not Myers Briggs stuff; it is better.

How do you solve problems, by taking a walk, sort of resting while your mind goes wild, with pen and paper in hand drawing boxes of the pieces of the problem to see how to connect the boxes?

I solve problems in a patternless way, which is a pattern in itself. I’ll go for a purposeful walk, read the paper, plan my day, get agitated for no good reason and then, whoa! An idea literally appears on my mind’s invisible screen which translates to me as insight. Suddenly I know why I’m agitated and realize that I’m wrestling with an idea. And just as suddenly, directions through the maze of impressions appears to guide me along.

I begin to write and within a few minutes a new thing is born, a new thing to me. Perhaps it’s an old thing to others, but that is of no consequence. I have to rebirth it to make it mine.

Yesterday, a walk at the ocean, reading the paper, thinking about the arts and my personal experience in the arts, wondering how I will be productive on a 2 week hiatus from work, knowing I WILL be productive because that’s how I’m wired.

Then I realized that I was angry deep down and it was not about one thing. It was triggered by all the forces that I became aware of that day that conspire to hold me down.

It’s more than the polluted air, the food that is not good for me, the misery of close friends being unemployed or injured or sick, the need of others and my inability to rescue even a few. It was more than the report of an actress doing a play in a widely publicized venue, a play that wallows in incest and other nasty human temptations. Yet why does theatre trash the human experience and entice others to trash their sensibilities in the same ways?

It was more than the haunting voice of no good spirit telling me that my books wouldn’t matter if they were published. It was more than my wanting to share my thoughts and remembering the poetic despair, “Full many a flower is born to blush unseen”.

And then there it was. The world and the powers that make people do things that hurt and destroy others are everywhere. As for me, I choose life.

Many times a few other people have seen me reveling in life and have cried out for me to stop. It was not about me; it was about them.

I choose life. I choose to walk away from the pain that others spray in the air to try and poison the experience of others.  I choose to persist in living and launching the ideas that will burst forth because I am living in expectation for them to do so.

One Response to “Living in Expectation”

  1. marianne Says:

    Hey Jill! It seems the harder we try, the more difficult something can become. To just let go and be, to just relax your left brain and left your right brain have it’s reign does seem the better way to solve problems. That way we are not just hooking into stuff we “know” but we are connecting the the unseen realm where there is complete “knowing”. I agree that we can be much more creative and original this way. Otherwise, we just gravitate to what is familiar and that’s not so original, is it?! 😉

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